I would rather Fly Agaric ;)

I write this encased in a organic funnel of buzzing evil. Well, there really not evil. Only roaches are evil...agents of Satan himself, I am sure of it. But these little beezelbugs called the House Fly are driving me insane. Every year about this time, we become to flies what Padre Island is to drunken Texan teenagers. You would think with the sunny warm weather we are having ( NOT!!), that these flies would go elsewhere. But no....they are here. And poor Caroline is looking like something off a " Feed The Children" ad. Which you really should do, you know.

Well, I am not one for mass killings but this has gotten out of control. Considering flies can carry up to 100 pathogens, I have erected a medievel gauntlet of fly paper and two fly swatters.

I must tell you, I tried other things first. Talking to them did not work. Even after reading the latest on fly pscyhology ( really...many a dissertation exists on fly thoughts), I have been reduced to pesti-cide. So sad. I originally started out with just a rolled up newspaper but apparerntly flies have a very evolved evasion technique and feel the air currents coming before you can get them...thus, the holes in the lethal yet brightly colored fly swatter.

Caroline's dr appt went smashingly. I just love our little doctor. he is so tiny and smiley.....much like a brunette version of the aspriring dentist elf from " Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer".

************* CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ooooooooohh!!! It's coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!******

Anyway, the doc said she looked great! Which I know of course, but I always love to hear.

She is still a petite girl...only 14.2 pounds and 25 inches long. SHe is in the 5-10 percentile...which for those of you not in the know.....that means 90-95 % of babies are bigger than she is at this age. But....she is right on target for everything, small or not! She was really showing off her mad sitting skills to the doc. he was way impressed. She had her 3rd set of DTAP boosters and has been a little cranky since but is coming back to her regular self. The doc said we could start her on a sippy cup too!! what a big girl. But, she hasn't quite figured out how to do it yet and when she does, she gives a face like " Water??!! All that for Water??!!"

We sold the Colonel yesterday ( our new boat , The Sweet Caroline, is featured on another post). She went to a very happy family. We even decided they were happy enough to get the custom made bottle opener labeled " Colonel Mustard". As the new family began to drive off with their new boat, I saw Bing outside the window pat the Colonel on her stern and heard him wistfully say " You've been a good one, Colonel".

Colonel, may you receive as much love as you have given us. Bon voyage, Colonel Mustard....Bon Voyage.

The Colonel Mustard

I can't think of a snarky title today. Sorry,folks.

I cannot imagine a cuter Popa than my sweet Bingbear. We went and visited him at work yesterday. He was such the proud Popa and had to get pictures of her in the car, on the car, in a holding cell, and "getting arrested". He is just waiting for the day that she can fit into the onesie that Grit got her that says " My daddy Can Arrest Your Daddy". Hahahaha....

PLumpkers has been in such great spirits lately. I think those back to back trips really took it out of her and she's finally back to her normal laughing, happy self .

The other day I heard all this commotion coming from the play room. Bing is hollering and laughing " Help! Help! It's everywhere! It's everywhere!"

I turn the corner and there is both Caroline and BIng covered in poo. They both were cracking up....but Bing had a bit more panic to his laugh. Poo on knees, poo on backs, poo on elbows, poo on couches, poo on chandeliers. Caroline and Bing were quite proud of this and seemed to be thoroughly enjoying themselves. Hahaha....

We take Caroline to the Dr today for a wellness check. I typed up a list of questions...13 to be exact. I read them to Moma and she kinda giggled a "whoa, my daughter is crazy" giggle. But she did say they were very detailed.

Well, I'm off. I leave you with Fernando Botero. really neat artist.

Decaying jackal, anyone?

" Somebody better get that rocking chair out of the sky. Especially for Cornflake."

That's what Mr. Rogers just said.

Caroline is taking a nap and I actually came inside to watch my show. I never realized as a child that Lady Elaine might be the scariest puppet I have ever seen. Why is her nose so red? And not just normal red. Like crazy entrails red. Like she's been out pecking at carrion with the vultures.

Maybe she's just a hard drinnker. I also think she might be a man. Gender Confusion can definitely lead a puppet down Vodka Alley. I shouldn't pick on her. She's actually having an exibit right now of Covers. Yep. All kinds of covers for stools. That crazy cracker puppet, Cornflake, was particularly proud of his entry for a stool cover. It was a diaper. A diaper on a stool. Get it?? I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!!!!

I just realized I said actually twice already. My sister is the "Actually" queen. SHe said she didn't know how much she was saying it until the following conversation with her 2 year old daughter.

Margaret, my sis: " I sure do love you. Do you love me?"

Annabella, my niece: ".......( pause for silence).....Actually, no."

Margaret said she wanted to try to cut down on actual-ization in her vocab. I said well, just don't say it. But she said she needed a word with more than two syllables to make her sound smarter in conversations. I told her to try " verily, I say unto you". She said no thanks. Actually,no.

Took Caroline out for her maiden voyage on her namesake yesterday. We had a lot of fun and she loves boating! Although with her life vest on she moves lake Randy off " A Christmas Story" in his snowsuit.

She even caught a fish!

Well, they got the rocking horse out of the sky. Cornflake can go back to his dumpster divin' now or wherever he gets those diapers for those stools. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

oK. Back to pretending to be an adult. I'm gonna go clean the house or something old like that.

And now I will ramble once again

Just found the phone in the fridge. Yep.

Did you know that dragonfly larvae travel by anal jet propulsion? Yep. They fart through the water. How awesome is THAT? One of my fave science facts I thought I'd share with you. I tried to find a picture of it for you but alas the sphincter of a small aquatic invertebrate is either hard to capture on film or there is no demand for it. I can hardly imagine that there is no demand.

I have professed my love of Mr. Rogers already in a post. Since then, Caroline and I have made it a part of our routine when we aren't painting the town red. 10:30 on PBS right after Teletubbies ( which I love and think is absolute genius and only wish was more acceptable for adults to watch by themselves and squeal in delight by themselves). Today, Mr. Roger's phone rang. It was that crazy sideburned mailman, Mr. McNeely, calling and the conversation went like this:

" Hello?"

" Oh, just singin' and shellin' peas."

" Egg rolls and Eva Kwon? She's at the market?"

"We'll be right there."

You can only imagine my excitement at that phone call. Is there purer bliss than singin' and shellin' peas? I think not.

Charlane sent me this pic today.

It's an Egpytian statue circa 2 A.D. . Look like anyone??? I'd like to think that was the first appearance of The King. He gyrated back to us in the 20th century and I would like to believe that he will come a third time, bringing peace and harmony to the masses. A hunka, hunka, hunka burnin' love for each of us.

We were watching the news today and they announced that Safeco stadium would have peanut free zones at two of their baseball games in August. I got real fired up. Perhaps you think I am an activist for the peanut allergy laden. Perhaps you think I thought it was really ridiculous and went on a tirade about it. Either thought is a bit embarassing. Anyways, afterwards, Bing said " you gonna blog about it?" Hahaha.

Caroline is very sleepy today. I can really feel her little bottom tooth poking out. She continues to love deep voice singing. Bing has taken to singing " Ol Man River" & " Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" to her in his deepest voice. She gets beside herself. It is so cute. Apparently, deep voices are also very, very loud according to Bing. I can only imagine what the neighbors think about us. Haha.

We three idiots of Washington are.

Apologies to Carcharodon carcharias

Regarding the post below this one:

Although I do not mind offending trepanning enthusiasts ( let's be honest, they need to lighten up)...I do however feel bad about making our dear friend, the great white, look bad. He should NOT be put in the categories of trepanning and teething infants. My apologies. Great whites are actually intelligent and social...there's a really interesting article in Smithsonian (http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/great-white-sharks.html ) . I love sharks....they get such bad press...and I succumbed to the bad shark joke. I actually feel bad. Sharks, if you are reading this...I really would swim with you. And if you bit me by mistake or curiousity I would not hold it against you. But, I really probaly don't taste good. Too many diet cokes and beef pho. Also, I love lemons. I may be a bit on the sour side.
Again, my apologies.

I'll take the sharks.

Hmmmmmm.......

dressing as a seal and swimming along chum off the coast of South Africa?

trepanning myself with a rusty screwdriver?

flying with a teething 7 month old on an almost 6 hour flight?

Uhhhhh...yeah. Don't ever want to do those things. And if I have done them, I never want to do them again.

Just got back from Virginia visiting Bing's family...we had a great time and it was awesome showing Miss Caroline off. She was really cute of course, until the flight home, but quickly recovered her cuteness once we landed. It was good to get home...the doggies and Jones were very happy to see us.

These are things I have learned lately:

1. Human beatboxing and fake sneezing will only delay full blown tantrums in infants but will provide some auditory respite.

2. People on airplanes will not and do not understand why human beatboxing must be done.

3. Liberace is really awesome. He reminds me of Uncle Leonard. And if you were to make a cross of Fred Sanford and SAmmy Davis Jr and turn it into a white woman, it would have been my grandmother, GranEd.

4. Summer is far too short. I love my students but I wish somebody would decide to pay me to alternately stare at the birdfeeder and hang out at the lake. Now that's a career.

5. It is entirely possible to subsist on Mr. Chuck's barbeque for the rest of your life. To be so lucky.

6. Although, a pontoon boat would have been fun, a brand new speed boat would be even funner.

Welcome "Sweet Caroline" to the family.....y'all come boating with us!!!

Uh, yeah. That's a 2009, folks. Pissssshhhhhhh ( that's the sounds of your sizzling finger uponst touching our new boat).

Those were the things I learned the past few days.

To pontoon or not to pontoon?

that is the question. We do love the Colonel Mustard but we have been thinking about getting a pontoon boat...it would be much better family boating. But....alas, where would we put such abig boat? I think we're just gonna get a brand new ski boat. haha....there will be room in the open bow for a playpen, you think? ;)

Here lies Left POinty.

I contracted out mercenary knomes to guard its tomb. Nobody gets past them...and I mean NOBODY.

Speaking of Left Pointy, my friend Kattina made me a severed finger cake..complete with a scabby bandage made of cream cheese frosting and raspberry preserves. I love my friends....what a bunch of weirdos.

No news on the vegatable front with Caroline yet...Bing has been so busy the past few days and did not want to miss out on sweet potatos and carrots. Tomorrow is the big day...I'll let you know how it goes.

In the meantime, I leave you with fat little turkey legs. (Which reminds me of a very funny incident involving Bing, smoked turkey legs, Willie Nelson, and no pants. He has not eaten one since. I'm sure Willie has not either.)