I can't think of a snarky title today. Sorry,folks.

I cannot imagine a cuter Popa than my sweet Bingbear. We went and visited him at work yesterday. He was such the proud Popa and had to get pictures of her in the car, on the car, in a holding cell, and "getting arrested". He is just waiting for the day that she can fit into the onesie that Grit got her that says " My daddy Can Arrest Your Daddy". Hahahaha....

PLumpkers has been in such great spirits lately. I think those back to back trips really took it out of her and she's finally back to her normal laughing, happy self .

The other day I heard all this commotion coming from the play room. Bing is hollering and laughing " Help! Help! It's everywhere! It's everywhere!"

I turn the corner and there is both Caroline and BIng covered in poo. They both were cracking up....but Bing had a bit more panic to his laugh. Poo on knees, poo on backs, poo on elbows, poo on couches, poo on chandeliers. Caroline and Bing were quite proud of this and seemed to be thoroughly enjoying themselves. Hahaha....

We take Caroline to the Dr today for a wellness check. I typed up a list of questions...13 to be exact. I read them to Moma and she kinda giggled a "whoa, my daughter is crazy" giggle. But she did say they were very detailed.

Well, I'm off. I leave you with Fernando Botero. really neat artist.

Decaying jackal, anyone?

" Somebody better get that rocking chair out of the sky. Especially for Cornflake."

That's what Mr. Rogers just said.

Caroline is taking a nap and I actually came inside to watch my show. I never realized as a child that Lady Elaine might be the scariest puppet I have ever seen. Why is her nose so red? And not just normal red. Like crazy entrails red. Like she's been out pecking at carrion with the vultures.

Maybe she's just a hard drinnker. I also think she might be a man. Gender Confusion can definitely lead a puppet down Vodka Alley. I shouldn't pick on her. She's actually having an exibit right now of Covers. Yep. All kinds of covers for stools. That crazy cracker puppet, Cornflake, was particularly proud of his entry for a stool cover. It was a diaper. A diaper on a stool. Get it?? I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!!!!

I just realized I said actually twice already. My sister is the "Actually" queen. SHe said she didn't know how much she was saying it until the following conversation with her 2 year old daughter.

Margaret, my sis: " I sure do love you. Do you love me?"

Annabella, my niece: ".......( pause for silence).....Actually, no."

Margaret said she wanted to try to cut down on actual-ization in her vocab. I said well, just don't say it. But she said she needed a word with more than two syllables to make her sound smarter in conversations. I told her to try " verily, I say unto you". She said no thanks. Actually,no.

Took Caroline out for her maiden voyage on her namesake yesterday. We had a lot of fun and she loves boating! Although with her life vest on she moves lake Randy off " A Christmas Story" in his snowsuit.

She even caught a fish!

Well, they got the rocking horse out of the sky. Cornflake can go back to his dumpster divin' now or wherever he gets those diapers for those stools. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

oK. Back to pretending to be an adult. I'm gonna go clean the house or something old like that.

And now I will ramble once again

Just found the phone in the fridge. Yep.

Did you know that dragonfly larvae travel by anal jet propulsion? Yep. They fart through the water. How awesome is THAT? One of my fave science facts I thought I'd share with you. I tried to find a picture of it for you but alas the sphincter of a small aquatic invertebrate is either hard to capture on film or there is no demand for it. I can hardly imagine that there is no demand.

I have professed my love of Mr. Rogers already in a post. Since then, Caroline and I have made it a part of our routine when we aren't painting the town red. 10:30 on PBS right after Teletubbies ( which I love and think is absolute genius and only wish was more acceptable for adults to watch by themselves and squeal in delight by themselves). Today, Mr. Roger's phone rang. It was that crazy sideburned mailman, Mr. McNeely, calling and the conversation went like this:

" Hello?"

" Oh, just singin' and shellin' peas."

" Egg rolls and Eva Kwon? She's at the market?"

"We'll be right there."

You can only imagine my excitement at that phone call. Is there purer bliss than singin' and shellin' peas? I think not.

Charlane sent me this pic today.

It's an Egpytian statue circa 2 A.D. . Look like anyone??? I'd like to think that was the first appearance of The King. He gyrated back to us in the 20th century and I would like to believe that he will come a third time, bringing peace and harmony to the masses. A hunka, hunka, hunka burnin' love for each of us.

We were watching the news today and they announced that Safeco stadium would have peanut free zones at two of their baseball games in August. I got real fired up. Perhaps you think I am an activist for the peanut allergy laden. Perhaps you think I thought it was really ridiculous and went on a tirade about it. Either thought is a bit embarassing. Anyways, afterwards, Bing said " you gonna blog about it?" Hahaha.

Caroline is very sleepy today. I can really feel her little bottom tooth poking out. She continues to love deep voice singing. Bing has taken to singing " Ol Man River" & " Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" to her in his deepest voice. She gets beside herself. It is so cute. Apparently, deep voices are also very, very loud according to Bing. I can only imagine what the neighbors think about us. Haha.

We three idiots of Washington are.

Apologies to Carcharodon carcharias

Regarding the post below this one:

Although I do not mind offending trepanning enthusiasts ( let's be honest, they need to lighten up)...I do however feel bad about making our dear friend, the great white, look bad. He should NOT be put in the categories of trepanning and teething infants. My apologies. Great whites are actually intelligent and social...there's a really interesting article in Smithsonian (http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/great-white-sharks.html ) . I love sharks....they get such bad press...and I succumbed to the bad shark joke. I actually feel bad. Sharks, if you are reading this...I really would swim with you. And if you bit me by mistake or curiousity I would not hold it against you. But, I really probaly don't taste good. Too many diet cokes and beef pho. Also, I love lemons. I may be a bit on the sour side.
Again, my apologies.

I'll take the sharks.

Hmmmmmm.......

dressing as a seal and swimming along chum off the coast of South Africa?

trepanning myself with a rusty screwdriver?

flying with a teething 7 month old on an almost 6 hour flight?

Uhhhhh...yeah. Don't ever want to do those things. And if I have done them, I never want to do them again.

Just got back from Virginia visiting Bing's family...we had a great time and it was awesome showing Miss Caroline off. She was really cute of course, until the flight home, but quickly recovered her cuteness once we landed. It was good to get home...the doggies and Jones were very happy to see us.

These are things I have learned lately:

1. Human beatboxing and fake sneezing will only delay full blown tantrums in infants but will provide some auditory respite.

2. People on airplanes will not and do not understand why human beatboxing must be done.

3. Liberace is really awesome. He reminds me of Uncle Leonard. And if you were to make a cross of Fred Sanford and SAmmy Davis Jr and turn it into a white woman, it would have been my grandmother, GranEd.

4. Summer is far too short. I love my students but I wish somebody would decide to pay me to alternately stare at the birdfeeder and hang out at the lake. Now that's a career.

5. It is entirely possible to subsist on Mr. Chuck's barbeque for the rest of your life. To be so lucky.

6. Although, a pontoon boat would have been fun, a brand new speed boat would be even funner.

Welcome "Sweet Caroline" to the family.....y'all come boating with us!!!

Uh, yeah. That's a 2009, folks. Pissssshhhhhhh ( that's the sounds of your sizzling finger uponst touching our new boat).

Those were the things I learned the past few days.

To pontoon or not to pontoon?

that is the question. We do love the Colonel Mustard but we have been thinking about getting a pontoon boat...it would be much better family boating. But....alas, where would we put such abig boat? I think we're just gonna get a brand new ski boat. haha....there will be room in the open bow for a playpen, you think? ;)

Here lies Left POinty.

I contracted out mercenary knomes to guard its tomb. Nobody gets past them...and I mean NOBODY.

Speaking of Left Pointy, my friend Kattina made me a severed finger cake..complete with a scabby bandage made of cream cheese frosting and raspberry preserves. I love my friends....what a bunch of weirdos.

No news on the vegatable front with Caroline yet...Bing has been so busy the past few days and did not want to miss out on sweet potatos and carrots. Tomorrow is the big day...I'll let you know how it goes.

In the meantime, I leave you with fat little turkey legs. (Which reminds me of a very funny incident involving Bing, smoked turkey legs, Willie Nelson, and no pants. He has not eaten one since. I'm sure Willie has not either.)

Finally...summer

For us nine-fingered gals, summer don't come too soon.






It's mid JULY and the weather finally got summer-y. It is gorgeous outside. And now that buttholes have stopped being turned inside out and scissors are locked safely away......ahhhhhh. I feel like Kid Rock and Martha Stewart all rolled into one. Which actually is not a pretty picture in the physical sense, but in the dogmatic sense....nirvana. The creative domestications of Martha coupled with the stringy haired don't-give-a-crap-except-for-hanging-out- and- having-fun mantra of Mr. Rock. I'm a cow-boy, baybeeeeeee. I'm even thinking of adopting the whole fedora and Addidas velour pantsuit ala Kid. That man knows a thing or two about proper livin'.






Bing and Caroline hung out yesterday while Stumpy went and hung out on the lake with Kim at her resort house. Nice, real nice. I had to promise Bing I wouldn;t get in the water...he said I would catch MRSA and the rest of my stump would fall off. Well, I bold faced lied to him and said I wouldn't get in...even going as far to smuggle ziplocs out the house. It was awesome...floating int the sunshine with my double bagged hand. Ziplocs are awesome.

And yes, I did tell Bing after the fact. ;) He knows what he married into.

Gonna start Plumpkers on veggies today...I bet that little brat woon't like them. I hope she does. She is definitely getting bigger every day but is still SO tiny! I wish her wellness check was sooner that the end of this month. I want the doctor to tell me how great she's doing. ;) I know she is, but I do so love reaffirmation. I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it...people like me.

Oh, and per Sam...here are 7 things about my sweet, sweet Caroline you may or may not have known.

1. She burps like Barney from the Simpsons.

2. Her pinky toes are really long and have very happy exploratory minds of their own.

3. She loves saying her prayers at night...she gets beside her self. Especially when we sing " Amen".

4. She loves doggie kisses.

5. She LOVES Target.

6. She smells like boiled peanuts when she needs a bath.

7. When she is super happy...she sticks out her chin and smiles real big...gumming it up....so we have started calling her "Cheeky Monkey". So cute....it turns Popa into a bag of melted marshmellows every time.

Did you ever.......

Did you ever think there was more to life than being ridiculously good-looking?

Well, since my hand modeling career has gone down the toilet, I have new hopes in a little woman named Caroline.

For your pleasure.......

Blue Steel

We're currently working on "Magnum".

Arrrrrgh...me booty. I mean my finger.

So....first things first. Boudreaux is doing awesome!!! He cam out fit as a fiddle and doesn;t seem to mind that his butthole was literally turned inside out. The doc got the polyp and will get back to us next week about pathology results. We're not worried though. Booboo is doing great and we're so happy to have him back and taking glorious, shapely poops again.

Now....to the rest of the week. I still haven;t posted pics from Louisiana...I will soon.

Back to Wednesday...Boudreaux's surgery day.

It was a gorgeous day.....something we don't get much of these days. Of course, I was quietly freaking out about Booboo as I am want to do much of the time. Thanks, Moma, for that nifty personality trait. So...I tell Bing " Hey , I'm gonna go garden a bit...get my mind off things".

And it was working pretty good. The butterflies were aflutter, the phantom sun was happily shining and Astronaut Jones was very happily helping me weed in between snuggle sessions. The Man in Black loves him some snuggling.

After weeding around the garden beds, I decide to do a little " weed eating" of my own. So, I got my trusty dollar store scissors out and starting trimming up here and there. Now, if you know me...you know I am an excellent multi tasker.....in a very sloppy and clumsy way.

Inner monologue while snipping- " I hope Boudreaux is ok, my panties are going up my butt, I wonder if he will have to stay the... OWWWWWWW!!"

As I interruppt my own soliloquoy ( again, I cannot and will not succumb to speel check on my blog. I do not care if this bothers you) with my plaintive wail , I look down and see blood everywhere. Well, crap, I cut myself again....so, I get up and go inside to bandage my latest mishap ( graceful, I am not).

Bing and caroline met me at the back door....upon hearing my "ouch", Bing thought...." wonder what the clutz did now". At first he was smiling when he said "what happened?". My giggly retort of "haha...cut myself again" was not met with the usual sarcastic comment but rather a pallid look of horror and Bing saying " we need to go to the hospital".

Mr. Over-reactor, I thought. But it was bleeding quite a bit...so I thought, oh well, guess I should get a couple of stitches. I go upstairs and change while holding a whole roll of blood soaked paper towels. I come down and Bing and Caroline are ready for our field trip. I am still thinking this is hilarious...Bing not so much. He then says, "I think we should take this".

In his hand was a ziploc bag full of ice and a finger. My finger.

What? Not the whole thing, mind you...but enough to be like " what the hell??!!! you've got my finger in a bag!"

Well....long story made shorter.

1. They could not sew it back on.

2. I could not even look at it in the hospital. You know it's bad when it even grosses out the ER doctor and nurse. However, the dr did commend me for such a nice cleaver like cut.

3. No injury is more white trash than cutting your finger off. You never hear of some aristocrat slamming his finger off reaching for his upper crust in the top drawer.

4. Carting a baby around in WalmArt while buying Mcdonald's, baby formula, and Vicodin should be the penultimate acme of my white trash career. But I'm sure it will not be.

5. Sitting around the house with 1)a dog whose butthole was just turned inside out and has a purple bandage completely around his tail, 2) a giant rabbit ,3) another dog so terrified of fireworks that she is more hopped up than I am on drugs, falling down the stairs, and vomiting down Bing's shorts 4) a baby girl who has taken to random screeching cuz that's just real funny in baby world , 5) and a poor husband who helped me bury my finger outside and is still mourning the little digit.

Margaret said I should get attachments for my finger...a hook for scracthing and soemthing else a bit softer for sensitive skin.

Moma printed out a pic of my newly severed hand and cries every time she passes by the pic. Which makes you wonder why she printed it out in the first place. But that's like the kettle calling the pot black, I suppose. Or the crazy calling the crazy crazy.

When I was back home, Moma was so exicited cuz she was gonna get 50 ears of corn from a man down at the farmer's markert for 10 dollars.

" What you gonna do with 5o ears of corn???"

" Well, I don't know. But 50 ears of corn for 10 dollars? That's a good deal!"

Hmmmmm. Here's the pic of my hand and finger. the little black eyed pea thing on my hand is not in fact a pea but my finger before it was interred and sent back to heaven. notice the dirt under my little finger nail. It make me very happy to think of my dirty little finger flying around in the clouds, its little finger halo not quite straight.

R.I.P. Left Pointy Finger Tip.....

You fing-ed real good. Real Good.

Feb 1973-July 2008

God is Great

My sweet Boudreux is having surgery today. He has a rectal polyp that nees to be removed. He has had it for about 3 weeks now...he started bleeding from it pretty bad when we were down in Louisiana. Bing came back early...but it got better once Bing was home. The vet said we didn;t need to move up the surgery and Booboo was fine for the rest of the time. It was still good that Bing came home though, so he could watch Boudreaux more closely.
The polyp is kinda in a hard to reach spot...they're hoping they can get to it by just basically turning his rectum inside out. If not..he will have to have real surgery that invloves addominal cutting. I am praying that it doesn;t go to that. He is 10 years old and the patriarch of out family. We call him Grandpa. And Grandpa still has a lot of life in him...not many people can handle his energy on walks!!! Boudreaux was even here before Bing was....and he was NOT happy when Bing arrived. He did not like sharing his Moma. But he has definitely grown to love his Popa.
Bridger is already acting pitiful today without Boudreaux....but she'll be OK. Hopefully he'll be home tonight....the vet said it all depended on the surgery...he may have to stay over night or even a couple of nights.
In the meantime, Caroline and I are gonna work in the backyard and get his favorite spot all ready for him to relax in.
PLease say a prayer for my sweet Boudreaux.